Cravings, Coffee, and Conversations with God

Hello Family,

I call you family because you’ve been with me through all my ups, downs, sideways, U-turns and occasional emotional somersaults. You read every post, send me sweet messages, and for real, I just want to say: THANK YOU. I see you. I feel you. I appreciate you.

Soooo, where do I start? Your girl was on a podcast — yes oh, a whole podcast! And guess what? It blew up! Apparently, y’all really love gist, loool. But on a serious note, that episode was scary. Putting myself out there like that? Whew. The “what will people think?” voice was LOUD in my head, but I did it afraid — and I’m proud of that.

Now that that’s out the way, let’s get into the real reason I’m here: to air my dirty emotional laundry yet again because why not? 😂 If it helps you, inspires you, or even just makes you laugh — then mission accomplished.

Let me be honest: your girl has been lonelyyyy. Like, it’s getting bad. I’m at the point where I’m seriously considering starting deep conversations with my daughter’s friends who technically can’t even talk yet. No jokes. 😩

See ehn, at the start of the year, I was like: “This year is for ME. I’m focusing on my healing, growth, soft life, etc.” And I meant it. I still mean it. But lately… a part of me has started craving connection. And not just physical (even though let me not lie, those thoughts occasionally visit like uninvited guests 🤦🏾‍♀️), but emotional connection. I want my own person. My own safe space. Someone to just be me with.

Recently, I reconnected with an old friend. Someone who knew me before the pain, before the heartbreak, before the scars. He still sees me with those same kind, innocent eyes. And it made me realize just how much I miss having someone who truly sees me — the unfiltered, goofy, God-loving, slightly dramatic version of me. 🥹

Today, while driving home, I had a heart-to-heart with my realest OG — God. I told Him everything I was feeling, no filter. And like the gentle, loving Father He is, He reminded me that my feelings aren’t wrong. I’m not broken or needy. I’m human.

But He also whispered something deep: “You don’t have to chase connection to fill a void. Stay close to Me. I’ll fill you first — and when the time is right, I’ll bring someone who truly deserves you and your daughter.”

Whew. I won’t lie — I cried. (Because of course I did 😭). The emotions didn’t magically disappear, but peace came. And now, whenever those lonely feelings show up, I know where to take them — straight to God. Instead of spiraling into self-pity, I got up, took myself on a solo date, and treated myself to an overpriced coffee and a bougie arugula bagel sandwich that honestly slapped. 😂