Diary of a Thriving Mum

This past week, I didn’t just lose a friend — I lost a sister.
And for the first time in my life, I am grieving in a way I’ve never known before.

It’s been incredibly hard. I keep replaying our last video call in my mind — how happy we were, celebrating good news together. I loved Chidera deeply, and I will always love her.

Her departure has made me pause and look at my own life differently. It’s caused me to re-evaluate so much. Chidera was a light — one of a kind — and she truly lived.

And I had to ask myself… am I living, or am I just coping?

The truth is, the past three years have brought some of my greatest pains. They have changed me, shaping a version of myself that has been surviving rather than living. And while I’ve tried to accept this “new me,” I know Chidera would never want that for me.

So I started asking hard questions:
Ife, if money wasn’t an issue, what career would you run after?
If your heart hadn’t been broken in your marriage, how boldly and deeply would you love?

If I wasn’t so tired how present would I be for my daughter?
If… if… if…

And I realized — I can’t keep living in the “ifs.”

I remembered watching Chidera mourn her father. I held her tightly as she cried. But even in her grief, she didn’t let pain harden her — instead, she loved more deeply, more loudly, and with even more grace.

Even in death, my girl, you are still teaching me.
Still changing me.
Still inspiring me.

December 2nd will forever be special to me — the day the Lord blessed the world with you. Thank you for the past 11 years. Thank you for being such a big part of my life. And if we get to do this all over again in another lifetime, we’re taking more pictures, going on more hangouts, and next time — you’re not allowed to leave.

I’m grateful that in heaven, we’ll be together forever, never to part.

Until that day, whenever I feel myself slipping into merely existing instead of truly living, I’ll remember your words:
“Ife, you deserve only the best… you of all people do.”
And I’ll choose the best, always.

You told me “Ife more people need to hear you”, my smallie, I promise to speak and write and touch as many as I can.

I love you more today than I did yesterday — and I’ll love you even more tomorrow, and the next day, until infinity.

Love always,
Your Ife Baby